


Feeling Isn't What I'm Seeing

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Body Dysphoria, Body Image, Comforting Dean, Fluff, M/M, Office AU, implied anorexia, weight loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-07
Updated: 2016-07-07
Packaged: 2018-07-22 03:29:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7417912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas works at a boring office, and his love life isn't any better.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Feeling Isn't What I'm Seeing

Cas sat at his cubicle in the office, snacking on chips. His eyes focused on the screen of the computer and his fingers adjusted the large jumper on his body. It was another boring day at the office, and Cas had felt no motivation to actually get work done. On the previous day, Cas had been told by his girlfriend to lose weight.

" _Cas, my parents are coming over," Hannah said in a concerned book. "I know, I'm excited," Cas grinned. Hannah nodded, and plastered and obvious fake smile along her face. The duo sat on the couch cuddling each other. Cas' arm wrapped around the waist of Hannah's sweater._

_"You know Cas..." Hannah pondered._

_"Yeah?"_

_"You've been eating more..."_

_"What?"_

_"Cas, I love you, but you've gain more weight from... eating more."_

_"Hannah I can ex-"_

_"No Cas. I don't want for my parents to see you like this. I like the old Cas better," Hannah admitted and avoided eye contact. Cas furrowed his brows. He didn't see how much weight he really gained._

    "Cas! Cas!" A low, velvety voice called out. Cas snapped back into reality, facing a certain short-cropped Ivy-league haired man. "Sorry, I spaced out for a second," Cas muttered. The man in front of him chuckled.

"It's okay Cas. All I was gonna tell you was that there was a chip falling from your mouth," The male spoke. "Thanks Dean," Cas let out a fake chuckle. Dean thankfully reminded Cas that he needed to lose weight. Crumbles had fallen onto the keyboard of Cas' computer. He quickly brushed them off, and excused himself to the bathroom.

    Dean didn't act bothered by Cas' sudden claim, but internally worried. Through a contact of Hannah, he had heard what she told him. The two had been dating for a while, and Dean became slightly jealous.

Dean had struggled with self image before, and didn't want the same to happen to Cas. It had been years since Dean's recovery. Every step of the way was a struggle for Dean. Being a role model towards Sam made Dean feel less important. Though it was important to take care of Sammy, it had

    In the restroom, Cas looked at himself in the mirror. He turned to the side. It revealed the pudge on his stomach through the jumper. I'm not fat, am I? Cas lifted the hem of the fabric up to his chest. Excess protruded out of the jumper. A realization hit Cas. He was fat, and Hannah knew it. He knew it. Tears escaped Cas' eyes, he felt fat, and he was fat.

    Naturally, Cas had a thicker body type. He wasn't the skinniest person, nor the most overweight. In the mirror, he could see all his flaws. His uneven skin, clogged pores, and everything as well as anything. Cas loathed it.

    Dean saw Cas enter the restroom in a panicked manner, and leave with the remnants of tears. To others, many couldn't tell, but Dean could see the slight swelling from his face and the redness still remain. Cas returned to his cubicle with an awkward silence. Dean continued to stroll back to his cubicle, with concern trailing behind.

**Weeks Later**

    Cas ended up calling in, and quit his job for a while. His boss was kind enough to let him come back whenever he needed to, which was probably the only plus that happened in his short living break. Throughout the weeks, Cas barricaded himself within the apartment Hannah and himself shared.

As Cas stopped consuming healthily, Hannah didn't seem to notice. When Cas decided to only drink water and eat toast Hannah didn't stop him. She even supported it. It hurt Cas for his girlfriend to even say that.

    "You're boyfriend is so handsome and thin!" Hannah's mother exclaimed. She grabbed Cas' thin arm and squeezed it. He was literally skin and bone. "How'd you do it?" She pondered with a large grin on her face.

Cas didn't give a response. Inside of him, there was a part regretting it. A part of him regretting ever changing himself for Hannah. If Hannah really love him, she would appreciate his body the way it is.

    After Hannah's parents left, Cas decided to call back into work. "Chuck, uh, can I come tomorrow?" Cas asked nervously. "Sure Cas, it's gonna be great to have you back," Chuck responded. Cas then thanked Chuck and hung up.

He sighed and strolled into their shared bedroom, where Hannah laid on her phone scrolling through the lives of others that deemed to be much more interesting.

    "Hannah...?" Cas spoke. Hannah rolled her eyes a bit as she sat up, and moved for Cas to lay.  "What is it, dear?" Hannah responded, annoyance lingering. Shame ran through Cas' veins for a second before he roused up his guts and said anything.

"I feel like you don't love me anymore, Hannah. I feel like I'll never be thin enough for you. You're always just trying to show off to those around you of our relationship."

"Cas, I still love you."  
"Really? Because I don't see it."

    Hannah became enraged by Cas' comment. "Oh really? I still don't love you? Who's the one who helped you when you were helpless? Who's the one that helped you, you fat pig!" She shrieked. A chill ran through Cas' body. "Fine. I see how it is," he grumbled. "I'm leaving."

    "You can't!" Hannah hollered. "I won't let you!" The small stature of the lady sprinted towards the doorway, and blocked it. As he ignored Hannah's pleas to stay and that she would kill him if he did, Cas lazily threw the essential items needed. He put on a jacket, and gently tried to move Hannah's barricade of a body.

    "Stop it! You idiot!" Hannah screamed. "I swear, if you ever come back I won't ever take you back! I hate you!" Cas was used to hearing Hannah's comments by now. He felt lifeless. "Goodbye... Hannah."

    It wasn't too late at night, but the sun was only starting to set. At this point in time, Cas could only afford a night at a small motel. He wandered the streets for a while, until deciding to head back to the office only wearing a white button up and khakis.

    He entered the building feeling nervous already. "Oh he- Cas? Is that you?" A voice gasped. Hazel eyes made contact to his lifeless aqua orbs.

"Cas, Hannah called me. I'm so sorry about what happened to you."

"It's okay Chuck, I'll just work here for a while."

"Call me if you need anything, Cas. Anything."

    Cas nodded and headed to his cubicle which still had everything the way he left it. The desk was still a complete mess, souvenirs were sprawled around, and crumbled were still in the crevices of the keyboard. "I guess I could finish this..." Cas pondered as he pulled up an unfinished document.

    From afar, Chuck greeted Dean at his cubicle. Dean enjoyed having a boss that was as cool as Chuck was. "Hey Dean!" Chuck greeted. "Hey there," Dean responded with a small smile.

"How are you Dean?"

"I'm doing good. I'm just finishing a couple of contracts."

    Chuck gave a nod of approval, which was always a plus around the office. There wasn't really anyone left around but those who were behind. Dean wasn't one of them, but lingered around for extra pay.

    "Dean, I need you to watch out for Cas," Chuck warned, immediately going from happy go lucky to serious. "Uh, sure," Dean responded. Panic reached into his voice. "What's up with Cas...?" Chuck's eyes slightly darkened with a depressing tone.

    "If you even look at the guy, he's changed. I don't like it. What happened with Hannah and himself just... Kinda makes me angry. Please just watch out for the poor dude," He explained. Dean nodded. "Thank you," Chuck gave a sigh of relief.

    Dean desperately wanted to go check on Cas, but I'd be rude. Minutes passed before Dean even stood up to check. He didn't want to seem overly concerned nor careless. Approaching the familiar area, Dean couldn't believe his eyes.

In front of him, was Cas. It wasn't the same Cas though. There sat the male, stick thin with the life sucked out of him. "Oh, hello Dean," he greeted with the best attempt at emotion. Cas had only sat there for about an hour, contemplating his life. He felt done, and Hannah was right about him. The feelings through his head had gone numb.

    Dean smiled at Cas, and nodded a hello. Cas took in the gesture, but didn't respond. The eye contact he held with Dean was long and uncomfortable. "Are you okay Cas? You seem kinda, out of it..." Dean asked. Cas thought for a second. Dean furrowed his brows for an answer. He got genuinely asked him if he was okay.

    Teardrops began to form on Cas' face. Dean walked over to Cas crying in his chair. Cas crumbled in Dean's arm, and he let out a hoarse cry. He didn't care about covering up his crying anymore.

"I feel like I'm dying," He admitted. "I loathe my body."

"Oh Cas, I'm so sorry."

"Do I really need to change...?"

"No."

    The two sat in silence for a couple minutes, holding each other in an embrace. "I know how you feel," Dean explained. "I don't need your sympathy," Cas muttered. A part of Dean wanted to go off on him for saying that, but it would ruin the mood.

"You know Sammy, right?" Dean asked.

"Yes, he's your younger sibling...?"

"I spent more of my time taking care of him than taking care of myself. That took a toll on my body, and I ended up just... hating it."

    "I'm sorry," was all Cas could think to say. He stared at the floor waiting for a response from Dean. "Don't let what happened to me happen to you Cas," Dean pleaded. He began to cry as well. Memories rushed through his mind, and it was worse to imagine Cas going through it.

"Cas, will you let me help you?"

"... Yes. I'd appreciate it."

 


End file.
